As a disclaimer, I have
negligible relationship experience. But today in my anatomy class, as we pulled
back dissected muscle flaps from the back of a long dead corpse, still dripping
formaldehyde from slowly rotting internal cavities, I mentally stumbled upon
the perfect introduction that both disgusts and hooks the reader into wondering
where this train of thought could possibly end up.
So on to the first point.
I probably have more relevant experience being a male as
opposed to female, so I will address my gender first. When it comes to
relationships, whether portrayed by media or simply acted out in a coffee shop
or workplace, the emphasis that men tend to put forward is heavily set on being
“Alpha”. This can range anywhere from having the requisite skills to fix the
printer to being so completely dominant and knowledgeable as to delegate
someone else to fix the printer. It can also manifest as happening to have the
personal number of the worlds best printer fixer on speed dial and a personal
jet idling in Vienna to fly that specialist directly to the frontage road
outside the printer shop, or even \to
completely ignore the whole printer problem and don a slouch hat, go to an
animal adoption agency, and then write a mandolin ballad about your new rescue
chinchilla.
All of these interpretations of the now vague term of
“Alpha” hinge on confidence and imply that women will then flock to the most
Alpha male based on the performance most recently displayed. I cite social
media outlets in bulk, where there are countless males listing what they
construe as the most impressive accomplishments, pictures, and whatever odds
and ends we can cobble together to put bait on a hook with the intent of luring
in females and then reeling them up to the surface of who we really are,
largely to disappointment from the females perspective.
Drawing an easy comparison would be to envision the
average single modern male as these stupid things.
Fun fact: Peacocks don’t
stick around for the laying of the eggs, nor do they lend a claw to the raising
of the young. Truth is, they have no interaction with the peahens (you learn
something new every day) after the mating ritual is completed, even though the
species can live up to 20 years.
It
is essentially a dumbed down version of a dating reality show, except that the
males gradually become outnumbered by their own illegitimate children (if
animals could have a concept of legitimate offspring. Or legality… or courts… Imagine sitting in on a peacock custody
hearing… Probably for the best, I doubt peacocks could pay child support for
7ish offspring per mating season… plus a peacock will inseminate upwards of 5
peahens per mating season…….. carry the one…)
Regardless of how many comical anthropomorphized
situations that comparison brings up, it leads to the question of whether or
not we as a species could actually follow suit. Theoretically, it could work.
But similar to my theory that there may be a planet completely composed of
Goldfish crackers (probability doesn’t prove me wrong), it breaks down in
practicality.
If hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and
the average male were to scorn approximately 5 women every May through July
(and we know the average male is capable of an exponentially higher number than
that), then life as we know it would never have been able to advance till
today. Even if we only began implementing this new society today, we would die
off a species at the end of the next born generation due to complete
reproductive embargo enacted by the female population as a near nuclear form of
“Oh No he Di’ent.”
Even outside of the parody, this society would collapse
upon itself. Yet we as men continue to parade ourselves like we aren’t
lackluster frauds who can barely figure out how to put pizza rolls in the oven instead
of pursuing what really matters, or possibly finding something worth pursuing
wholeheartedly.
Speaking of hearts and organs and all that, I can’t seem
to shake the image of sticking a gloved hand directly into a long dead and
preserved human body. It just… it sticks with you. That heart used to be a
person. Strange.
Some
people might expect the women to be complete opposite from men. I would argue
that they are actually quite similar, just with slight differences in approach
and tactics. It is actually quite easy to simplify all of this discussion into
“Everyone wants to be wanted” and leave it at that. Women, just like men, want
to be noticed and flocked to. They want to have their pick of whoever they deem
to be the Alpha-est of the Alphas that parade in front of them, awaiting their
nod and smile with what might be described as desperation mixed with utmost confidence.
I like to call it “Utpost Desifidence.”
Funny
enough, this behavior is also best modeled by a bird. These little weirdos.
It’s
basically a female’s dream relationship as far as my severely misinformed male
brain can extrapolate from the limited interactions that I’ve had with the
female gender. The male will see a female that he simply cannot live without
for another moment, so enthralled with her very presence is he that he must
outpour his love for her in the most perfect gift he can contrive:
A rock.
Isn’t
it a little strange that a bird with the brain sized only slightly larger than
your average cat turd managed to beat humans to the idea of presenting rocks to
their bride to be? Is it also strange to be typing this while my internet window in the background is displaying the google image search results for
“average sized cat turd”? I can answer one of those with a fair bit of
certainty.
But
getting back to penguins, the male (after swooning) will run about like a
madman trying to get the best pebble possible. The smoother the better, and
satan himself better get out of the way if he’s sitting on a nice looking rock.
Male penguins will steal from others, beat down other bachelors, waddle
tirelessly on the shore for hours just to find a pebble that will prove his
love for the female. And no matter how many heinous crimes against penguin
society or how sore his webbed walkers get, he knows it will be worth it in the
end.
Unless
she rejects him.
The
female penguin can give the shaft to a male suitor if she doesn’t like his
rock, his body, his attitude, or just the fact that he only works part time at
the cannery. She has complete control over the situation as long as she is an attractive enough candidate.
This
is the crux of the matter and where the crossover between species becomes a
little less fun. Women spend far more time than is warranted or necessary to
make themselves look attractive to men, so that they can get a long line of
suitors, so that they can pick and choose, so that they can have this control,
so that they can be wanted. And this
goes far beyond just physical appearance. Having the right walk, the cute
laugh, the good music sense, the quirky personality that hinges just between
neurotic and nerdy without touching the dark side too much, but just a little
to stay interesting. Women want to feel worthy of pursuit.
And
here is where we veer from the lighthearted and into the more serious section.
Those who were riding the words just for fun or because they took a wrong turn
on the Internet: this is your cue to leave. Those who stay, stay because you
want to think, and think through the lens of the gospel.
Men
(self included): What is the purpose of gathering trophies and accolades,
bright feathers and shiny pebbles? If we look at the example that Christ set
for us through his relationship with the church, we see that he took no time to
do a dance to impress or gathered presents to woo. Ephesians 5:25 shows that he
chased hard after the hearts of the body of believers because he knew that he
and Only he could bring about the
satisfaction that we crave in community. He pursued the church to draw them
closer to the one true source of meaning and purpose, emulating him would mean
that, as you pursue a woman, you are bringing her closer to the person of
Christ. What is a more worthy reason to pursue than that?
Women
(self not included, I think): We could think of women as the church to be
pursued, but I would like to take it a step further. Emulate Christ in this as
well. Be so filled with grace and love and peace that, to pursue you would be
to pursue the likeness and character of Christ himself. “Seek the
LORD and His strength; Seek His face continually.” (1
Chronicles 16:11) The very act of
chasing after you should bring a man closer to both of your creator and Lord.
What is more worthy of pursuit than that?
To
both: Pursue the image of Christ, and become more like his reflection through
the person you date and marry. Find the person who you can see the light of the
divine in, and pursue that instead of the housing around it. Ultimately, the
housing falls to pieces, and not in a pretty or poetic way. The muscles that
used to denote prowess or Alpha status become wooden and shred into thin
ribbons. The eyes and the perfect facial bones rot away with no life in them,
ground into dust and softening into sludge. The brain that knew so much fizzles
out and fails, leaving its sharp-as-a-whip wit and earthly wisdom to bake inside
the softening skull.
Everything
that we perceive as a person with our earthly eyes will perish and pass. And
all that will be left is a mirror. Some will be dirty, some will be warped, and
some will be shattered into a thousand pieces. And when Christ walks by, he
will look into each of our mirrors, hoping to see the one person who has paid
for our salvation. Those who pursued the image of Christ in each other, though
not perfect by any stretch, will be the ones to reflect his face. Those are the
ones who will get to reflect him for eternity.
Hah,
So that’s where that train of thought led.
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